‘You're fat, I'm not going to sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too'


I read this quote a couple of years ago and I thought it was really funny and frankly rude, however, I recently gained a new perspective on it. Let me share with you a little story.

I was raised to put myself in other people's shoes, always read their chapters before I jump to a conclusion - to the point where I would often put other people's comfort & ease before my own health. It turned out, unsurprisingly, that this was unsustainable. I was unhappy and as a result I became fearful of spending time with people.

Over time though, I managed to find a new balance. A way of making sure that people around me are comfortable without neglecting my own needs. I started telling the truth. The hard, sometimes confrontational, heartfelt, loving truth.

On the whole, I’m a very honest person, purely because that is what I look for in friends. I’ve lost a couple of friends in the past, those who preferred to be told they look pretty after a restless night or skinny on a stressful month of binge eating their emotions, than be faced with an honest truth. Because, in their minds, that is what friends do - they sugarcoat the truth. 

I am not like that. I would MUCH prefer that you point out the pimple on my forehead and laugh than pretend it’s not there. I prefer for you to tell me that I’ve gained weight than try to convince me I haven’t put on a pound. 

And, you see, this is why, I now love this quote even more. Because, all too often, we tend to sugarcoat lies and have people around us eat it up, because that's what they will do if you leave out a baking hot compliment, oozing with flattery. They gobble the BS down like it's an all natural, gluten-free, GMO-free, organic, grass-fed buttered cookie because it's their best friend who's feeding this to them.

Unfortunately, it may be tasty & delicious at the time but hunnie that shit is poison. I know we sugarcoat things because we don't want to hurt the person we love but sometimes we need to understand the difference between telling white lies in order not to hurt someone’s feelings and telling white lies because it’s easier to maintain the relationship that way.

So as you go about your day today, remember, honesty is the basis of all healthy relationships. It's better to get hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie.